Short Skirt, Long Jacket

 When you have the kind of upbringing where an A- on Report Card Day was your own front row ticket to a screaming match at home...the work motivation as an adult is just different.  Is it anxiety? Is it a deeply trained sense of responsibility? Yes. On all counts.  

And I'm the sibling that got out with the "healthy" coping mechanisms.

What does this look like as a professional in my field?

I strive for independence and perfection.  I want my classroom to be completely under control and tidy.  I don't ask for help or delegate responsibility because that is a sign of weakness.  I spend my lunch breaks meticulously reading, responding to, and organizing my email inbox.  So. Many. Sticky. Notes.  

It also looks like staring into space like an unplugged toy the moment students leave the room.  Or screaming frustrations into the windshield while driving too fast on the road home.  Constantly playing a loop of imagined confrontations in the silence of my head.  

There are days when the emotional decathlon of my childhood makes me the perfect weapon for the work:  I can craft a budget presentation with infographics, data, and funding proposals in short order while also wrangling two overstretched administrators into an hour-long meeting in person TOGETHER.  When that single rogue element throws a lesson off the rails, I can completely re-plan for the week in a 45-minute prep period.  I have moments of pure teaching genius that strike out of nowhere, because hyper-awareness embeds random facts into memory with stunning detail.  I feel like an absolute boss when this happens.  Opportunities seem to be everywhere when I am the honed sword of efficiency.  I feel confident. Effective.  On Top Of It.

And so I wonder: are those opportunities always there?  

Realistically, yes.  Honestly? No.

Opportunity is in the eye of the beholder, and like a philosopher's box of cats: it's not there if it's not there, except when it is.

You have to be ready to see opportunity.